There is a huge difference between being 40 and 60 and it is the actual awareness of life at the two different stages.
For a start, at age 40, many people - especially men experiencing a midlife crisis - are likely to ask themselves, “Is it all worth it?”
This stage is often like hell on earth, becoming a very important and testing time for both males and females. Usually a period of significant turmoil, being 40 is often a complete re-assessment of initial lifestyle. Men are likely to ask, 'Who am I?' 'What have I accomplished?' 'So, I have a mansion, a boat on the Thames, and I am the big boss. Having yearned for it and earned it, does it really make me happy?', 'What about a simple, more self-sufficient lifestyle in the country?' The questions will be endless as they search for new meaning to their existence.
This is because too many people, particularly men, go through life chasing particular dreams which become the be-all and end-all of their existence. They even sacrifice relationships and people to reach those desired objectives. They finally reach their anticipated destination, especially in their jobs and fortunes (or some might not) and find that life is no different at that point; that life perhaps feel even harder than before, perhaps because of their increasing responsibilities and commitments. At this stage everything seems pointless, past actions are questionable, achievements seem to have come at a huge price, and the value of one's direction in life becomes subject to examination.
Worst of all, they might have lost a lot in the process of reaching that objective and that is the hardest for them to accept. They do not feel anything like they imagined they would feel. Success is tinged with much sadness and regret. It happens to millions every year who focus on their development and growth to the exclusion of all else.
In addition, conscious of their changing bodies and flagging libido through overwork and advancing years, men will also be concerned with 'How long do I have to live?' and 'Am I still the catch of the year?' But, despite their unsettling air, the late thirties to early forties signify a sort of halfway point in one's work career, a period of consolidation; a time to build a timetable for the future and for feeling a sense of mastery and competence. Often with considerable angst, we tend to rethink our provisional decisions at this staging post and will either maintain them or change them to facilitate more permanent choices.
Women also experience a mid-life re-evaluation at this time as they rethink their relationships, careers, children, themselves and their beliefs. They do ask the same questions as men, and are likely to be more preoccupied with their perceived notion of rapidly decreasing personal attraction, i.e. getting old and their looks changing for the worse. But they are less worried about the time they have left on earth. The biggest preoccupation for most women now is to have children before it is too late. This concern is often so pronounced (and indeed often perceived as 'desperate') that, when faced with the notion of such responsibility at the most introspective and insecure time of their life, men tend to beat a hasty retreat in response!
Strangely enough, this is the age women start to become really confident in themselves, much more than the men! Reaching their mid-50s, they are at the peak of their confidence. Additionally, for a mother, by the time she crosses her 40th birthday, her children could begin to flee the nest. In fact, this stage is marked by two extremes: great productivity and equally great anxiety. If the first stage of our adult life relates to being an apprentice, acquiring new knowledge and status, and the second stage is to be confirmed, vindicated and validated by our activities and the significant others around us, this third staging post can be described as the adventurous one. Adventurers focus on challenge and discovery.
Altogether, being 38 to 45 can be an exciting time, if things are working well. But it is likely to be a period of reflection, of angst and the beginning of a new dawn for both sexes, though not necessarily in the same direction!
Life at Age 60 years
No longer considered 'old age', people in these years are not biologically, sociologically or mentally like the stereotype of decrepit, senile old codgers. Rather, they are healthy, often well-educated, and the major consumers of leisure in our society. Not quite in the labour force, they may become politically active and community-oriented. Excluded dreams might re-emerge, just like the retiring corporate executive who decides to take up the guitar because, though he had always wanted to play it, he had not found the time for it before. Now he has that time and is rearing to use it.
This also tends to be the advisor stage. Individuals at this age tend to play a key role in shaping the future of organisations and their community by 'sponsoring' or mentoring promising people, projects and ideas. This period of accomplishment after completion of the mid-life transition can be one of the most productive of all adult stages. We are at the peak of our mature abilities here. If the mid-life issues have been acknowledged, addressed and resolved, we can now make our greatest possible contributions to others and society. Here we can be less driven, less ego-centred, less compelled to compete with others, and to impress them. Instead we can focus on what really matters to us, on developing younger people, on communion with others, or on leaving some personal legacy that makes things better for others or the environment.
It is also a time for settling into more realistic and rewarding relationships based on recognising the partner's imperfections and helping them to grow, which is what age, experience and success often do: make the individual far more confident, fearless and proficient. Relationships also tend to benefit from this calmer phase. The ones that reach this stage are likely to last until death. With work, children and personal angst out of the way, the couple can now focus completely on each other, with grandchildren adding that extra spice.
Being over 60, I can testify to every part of this. I have never felt more confident, more valued and more purposeful in what I want to do with the rest of my life, especially making a difference to others and leaving my expertise as a legacy for those who might find it useful. It is an amazing time of life that does not conform to the fearful stereotype of ill and incompetent people that those who dread ageing like to imagine.
Most noticeable of all, there is also an active disengagement from group norms and/or cultural pressures in order to re-evaluate and restructure personal priorities. It is as if, without the need to impress anymore, this period gives a license to ignore the demands of others and to behave differently according to our own needs and aspirations. In effect, one can now be one's self with pride and take more liberties in life as the need to impress others, to be guided by them, and the constant competition, are no longer valued or important.